Fear of the Future

So in December I applied to EMCC and UMA. I got accepted to EMCC but I don't want to go there because they don't have an Art program and I definitely need that. A few months ago my guidance counselor told me that I got accepted to UMA and I was so exited because they have a good art program. Then my mom called the admissions office at UMA and asked where my acceptance letter was a couple months later and they said I was missing a few things on my application and that I hadn't been accepted yet. I was devastated all those months I had thought I was accepted. So this is the Struggle I'm dealing with right now.

I'm one of those people who procrastinate when I'm scared, and I've been procrastinating A LOT. I haven't done any scholarships yet and I don't know how I'm going to pay for college (if I get in) because as soon as I graduate high school I'm moving in with my boyfriend and I don't have a job right now. I just can't stop procrastinating and I can't seem to find the time to do all this stuff because Im focusing on my grades right now and I just don't know what to do. I want to have a good career and become an art teacher, but a part of me feels like I can't do it and I have a lot of self-doubt.

My self doubt problems go back to 6th grade. In 6th grade all the girls in my grade were friends and we would have sleepover's and do other stuff that little girls do. Then new girl came to school, lets call her Daisy. So Daisy and I became friends. Then in 7th grade everyone turned against me because Daisy told everyone a rumor about me that wasn't true and then everyone thought I was weird. So at this point I had no friends and I went into a depression and my grades went down I just felt horrible about myself and I honestly thought I was stupid. So I just gave up on myself and didn't think I could do anything.

So if anyone has any advice on what I should do about the whole Scholarship self doubt thing feel free to comment below. Thanks.